I do believe I have had my first "old lady" experience since entering my 40s...uuggghhh. I guess it's time for me to face the facts - I'm not a kid anymore. This is especially difficult for me considering I've never wanted to grow up, not really. Now, I wouldn't say I'm immature (although I can think of one or two ex's who might argue that - but that's why they are ex's - they are just stupid boys and have cooties...) I just don't think I'm ready for the changes that are taking place, like the grey hairs, the wrinkles, the achy joints, the memory loss...
I'm already as blind as a bat and I'm not looking forward to that getting worse...I alternate between contacts and glasses, depending on how I'm feeling. Saturday morning, it was raining and my eyes were itching, so I opted for the glasses and took out my contacts. I have one game on my phone that's easier to see without my glasses, so I had removed them to play this game. Well, it comes time to start getting ready and I can't find my glasses...DAMN IT...I can't see a thing! Everything around me is one giant blur. I'm tearing up the couch cushions, feeling around the coffee and end table, knocking stuff to the floor. I'm sure I looked completely ridiculous, but I was handicapped, paralyzed, HELPLESS because I couldn't see.
"Marcus...I've lost my EYESSSS.....whatever happens, please promise me you'll move on with your life if I don't make it...find happiness with someone who has the gift of sight!" I was very desperate at this point.
"That's a little extreme and dramatic, don't you think??" Asked my husband, from somewhere in the living room and I'm not quite sure where because I couldn't see him. He may have been just to my right, at least that's where it sounded like his snickering was coming from. So when he said this I snapped up from the depths of the couch and spoke in that general direction: "I'm glad you find this funny...I'll never be able to see the beauty of a rose, a baby's smile and you find this funny!" As I said this, I lifted my arm to sweep the hair away that had fallen in my face during the exhaustive search..."SON OF A BITCH!!" My glasses were, yes I'm serious....ON MY HEAD. I've just had my first old lady experience, *sigh*. So I suck it up and put my glasses on, only to see my husband had actually been to the left of me and was now doubled over with laughter. I didn't want to know if it was because of me shouting at an empty space instead of in his direction or because of the location of my glasses. Either way, I had once again given him a good laugh.
Later that day, we met up with my mom, sister and my amazingly adorable nieces. I was retelling my glasses story so my mom and sister could maybe feel sorry for me just a tiny bit. No such luck. They laughed. Fine, I'm glad I could share and make them laugh. Anyway, I have the cutest, smartest, precious nieces! Laney is very girly-girl and dainty. Riley is a definite "tom-boy" in the making. Wonderful girls! Riley is going to be the one my sister & brother in law really have to watch and prepare for. For example, she is 3 years old and has still has some trouble saying certain words, "wes" means "yes," "wook-it" is "look-it" and there's a couple of others. One thing about this kid, she's as sharp as a tack and knows way more of what's going on for a 3 year old than we give her credit for! My sister said that one time she asked Riley what she wanted for her snack for their movie night...Riley's reply, clear as a bell, no doubt what was said, she might as well be a phonetics instructor: "I want candy, m*&her f#@*er"....That's right! According to "A Christmas Story" movie, she said the mother of all words. She said the "MF" word. The kid is slick and she knows it. She had obviously put effort in practicing this pronunciation and now carried out her mission with gleaming satisfaction...How do I know this? Why do I think the kid knew exactly what she was saying? Here's why: The day after I told my lost eyesight story to my mom, sister & the girls, we were at dinner with them (my mom was watching the girls because my sister was out of town on business...) We were getting ready to leave the restaurant and Riley looks across the table at me and slighty tilts her head to the side, cracks a devilishly crooked smile, cocks one eyebrow up and says to me (again, clear as a bell...) "Lara, do you know where your glasses are???" Then throws her head back in what I swear was maniacal laughter. What the hell?? What did she just say to me?? The 3 YEAR OLD was mocking me!!! She completely understood everything I had said the day before about my glasses episode...why was she choosing this moment to torment me? Was it because I scolded her for taking a bite out of a chip and tried to put it back in the basket? Was it because I made her go to bed at 9pm those nights I babysat for them? Why, Riley, WHY??? I slowly reached up to the top of my head....yes, there sat my sunglasses. She was toying with me now....well played, Riley...well played.
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